Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize