I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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