I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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