Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
