you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize