grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
