After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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