there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
