Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
