i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
