dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize