I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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