So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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