you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
