Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
