3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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