Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
