Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
