Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
