Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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