Pappa wants mamma naked
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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