dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
