There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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