yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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