five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
