You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
