Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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