This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
