Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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