Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
