Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
