Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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