She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
