She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
