when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
