I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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