right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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