nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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