your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
