Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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