Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
