You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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