it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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