my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
