3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
