My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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