Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
