i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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