You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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