Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sober January is a disaster.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
