I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
