Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
