Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
