Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
