The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
