I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
