Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
