Three words: puerto rican gang bang
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
