He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
