Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize